Why am I so messed up this semester? Individual report undone, or rather, not started yet. Project research undone. Resume and Cover Letter uncompleted when the rest of the world are going all the way out to secure their internship position. Almost everyone around me completed/sent out their applications, yet all I did was nothing.

I'm feeling so messed up, so lousy.

Haven't been nice to baby recently. I'm sorry dear, I didn't mean to. I didn't wanted to blow up at you. I don't wish to do or say anything bad which may harm our relationship. I know I've been saying and doing nasty things as well as blowing and venting my anger on you, when things has nothing to do with you. I know I'm wrong and I know I shouldn't do that. I'm in no position to ask for forgiveness as well as your understanding. And I will definitely remember what has happened these few days and remember where I made mistake.

I hate time of the month. It makes me bersak and not think properly, blowing up at things and person who has got nothing to do with my anger. It makes me so lethargic about school and everything else. It makes me feel lousy as a girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend, project mate and a human.

I feel like crying. Yet I don't have the courage to.

I want to shout out loud. Like really loud.

I've never hated myself as well as my life so much as compared to now.