Few days away from this space and I'm flooded by the amount of work I have to do - Article Review, Projects, Online Tutorials, Three tests coming up this week etc. And that is not all, not forgetting my housework and all.

How did I even complete so much things in the past? :<

I know when work piles up, sort them out and do them one by one. I understand that it is my last semester and I should just hold on to it and strive forward. I knew at the back of my mind that I HAVE and MUST do it.

Yet, sometimes I just lose that momentum. I just lose that [hope] in me.

Mood and temper hasn't been good lately. I'm throwing too much temper on myself, and on dear. I'm sorry.

I need some time for myself, other than work. I need some personal space.

Three weeks of not swimming is making everything taking a toll on me. I want to release the stress in me and just dive underwater.

Let me get lost in my little world, will you? :/

Just done with my project part for Opts & Mgt for FB. It's getting late and guess I'm always getting emotional at these timing.

I'm someone who builds high walls around people - family, friends, everyone. So high that I make sure no one will be able to climb into my comfort zone. After being hurt and betrayed so many times, it's almost impossible for me to trust someone fully, it's also almost impossible for me to talk to someone with my heart fully open.

I don't tell people what i think deep down my heart, for being afraid of betrayal. I don't show my true emotions, for being afraid to find out that no one actually cares. Years after years, I used laughter to hide my tears. I used "fake courage" to hide my weakness. I forgot what my true feelings are.

It has been so long since I open my heart widely to talk to someone about what I think, what I feel. It has been so long since I feel that someone on Earth actually cares. It has been so long since someone knew I existed. It has been so long, since I knew, I'm never alone...

My very special friend - Steph. She encouraged me at the right time, being there to tell me what I should do, thinking in my shoes. I'm so glad I met her. Without her, I guess many times I would have given up.

Just like today. With so many things piling, I feel so stress. I don't know what I should do. I don't know which is the thing I should start on. Guess being in Year 3 makes me feel like giving up more. It makes me see things in negative tone, I don't see hope anymore...

Yet she was there at the right time, encouraging me.

Steph, I don't know when you'll be able to see this post, but I just choose to blog it out. I'm not someone who will talk to you with nice words. But I really thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart. Without you, I guess I've to stay up till late again tonight to complete my work. Without you, I guess I won't have the courage to continue my studies. Thank you <3

Not forgetting, my dear little boy, who is forever by my side, encouraging me. Thank you baby boy. I will hold on to it and not to give up. Thank you <3

Awesome day. Received a call from my third applied company, and I'm gonna go for two interviews on Monday (Y) YAY, hope someone takes me though. Let's hope I'll stop worrying and making myself nervous instead.

And today is my lucky day! I've got my half-priced white chocolate mocha from Starbucks! (Y) But the queue was extremely long, but its all worthwhile! I'm happy girl today :>

Went for my first interview today, kinda last minute. But never mind, it didn't dampen my mood! At the very least, I didn't have that much time to worry and make myself nervous (Y)

Think I didn't do badly I guess. Oh well, hope results will be satisfying :>

Another interview queued on Monday. Guess I can better prepare myself; but this also meant that I have more time to make myself nervous. Not good, not good.

Thank you baby for accompanying me throughout. And I'm really sorry for cancelling our plans last minute. I'm sorry, sorry.

Nothing major happened. Submitted ticketing worksheet, done with both resume and cover letter and guess I'm kind of ready to send it out. Now or tomorrow morning? Leaving me with individual restaurant review and article review, as well as uncompleted projects. Technically, I've started and am at certain part already but unsure of how should I continue. Oh well.

Am feeling so sick. Cough comes back off and on whenever it wants to and leave me whenever it gets tired of me and its really irritating me. Things worsen when my nose continues to dripdripdrip!

Now its headache and giddiness, and now usb cable is failing me. Sighs.

Picture from Google Image.

Slow progress today. Only done up resume, excluding career goals though. Drafting out my cover letter, ONLY.

Projects undone. Individual review undone. Article review undone.

Tell me how am I going to survive this semester? Like seriously. I really really hate myself. I want to fasten my progress, yet I don't have the heart to do it. As well as this ass is being crazy recently and my code is not yet sent to me.

Baluku is still painful ):

Thank god I have dear as my back up regardless of what happened. You're the greatest gift god gave me. I love you <3

Why am I so messed up this semester? Individual report undone, or rather, not started yet. Project research undone. Resume and Cover Letter uncompleted when the rest of the world are going all the way out to secure their internship position. Almost everyone around me completed/sent out their applications, yet all I did was nothing.

I'm feeling so messed up, so lousy.

Haven't been nice to baby recently. I'm sorry dear, I didn't mean to. I didn't wanted to blow up at you. I don't wish to do or say anything bad which may harm our relationship. I know I've been saying and doing nasty things as well as blowing and venting my anger on you, when things has nothing to do with you. I know I'm wrong and I know I shouldn't do that. I'm in no position to ask for forgiveness as well as your understanding. And I will definitely remember what has happened these few days and remember where I made mistake.

I hate time of the month. It makes me bersak and not think properly, blowing up at things and person who has got nothing to do with my anger. It makes me so lethargic about school and everything else. It makes me feel lousy as a girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend, project mate and a human.

I feel like crying. Yet I don't have the courage to.

I want to shout out loud. Like really loud.

I've never hated myself as well as my life so much as compared to now.